I keep ask on the same thing to Allah. And I believe the god has answer it. 

Usually with Allah's way. But sometime am too sceptical and wont believe if that's the answer. I need reason. Why have to be like that?

Why the things that I've did not same between God's plan and mine??

So yeah today I see it. I dont want to have many effort to be sceptical but just relieved it. Good things are about to come in my life. And maybe that one aint one.

Chin up El

Xxx

27 minutes left before leaving 26

I had a wonderful year on my 26 years old. 

I met many awesome people lately who keep me inspired.

I visited many wonderful places.

I share many laugh, memories, experiences and knowledge.

I developed my skill.

I was in love in beautiful heart.

Also was broken hearted wisely. Heheheheh.

Was a wonderful year. Am in peak moment. I tho.

Now... Well actually am not really sure what will hapenned next. 

Am in dark. Nothing grey anymore. But completely dark. 

So before leaving my 26 years old. May I skip tomorrow... Please. 

Postingan Lagi Kangen

Biasanya kalo posting jam segini ini kalo dulu itu pas lagi lembur dan males ngerjain kerjaan. Lemburpun karena udah masuk peak season dan lembur supaya dibilang auditor banget. Hahahah

Engga deng. Biasanya lembur karena buat nemenin senior atau manajer karena data baru dikasih setelah jam 5 sore T_T.

Mumpung belom ngantuk dan lagi mau nyampah.. duile.. sekali-kali lah posting yang bener dikit :p

Hahaha iya nih saya lagi kangen. Hmm bukan kangen sama si mantan sih. Tapii samaaa hmmm.. kasih tau gak yah :p ...

Eh tapi btw yah.. bukannya saya mau sok tough atau gimana yah. Tapi saya agak heran aja sama keputusan yang saya ambil kemaren. To be honest sebelumnya sih udah pernah putus sama si doi. Tapi waktu itu asa sediiiihh banget pas abis putus. Nyesel. Dan akhirnya ujung-ujungnya sih balikan.

But this time I feel different. So easy to let him go. Dan yakin banget kalo itu adalah yang terbaik.

So I think every decision that made by positive believe will follow with positive attitude. (naon sih.. asa ga nyambung :| )

Intinya mah ga sesendu dulu lah. 

Tapi pasti ada sih rasa-rasa kangen pengen punya pasangan lagi. Jujur ga boong sih kalo saya suka #sedih kalo liat temen-temen saya posting atau cerita yang unyu - unyu pas tanggal 14 Februari kemarin. Kan akoh mupeng gaaess..

Trus yah si temen saya yang jadi tempat tong sampah sekarang lagi deket sama orang lain.. Dan mendadak saya jadi sebel (baca: ngiri).

Dan lagi si dia yang saya kangenin entah kenapa bikin pengen jadi............... hufftt.

Ya sudahlah.

Mungkin si universe lagi becanda sama sayah. Tapi jangan terlalu jayus yah becandaanya. Kadang saya suka ga mood sama becanda yang agak - agak kinky. 

Nite

xxx

How to Fall in Love Everyday

Just found a very very good post also and inspiring one. About how to keep fall in love with your life in 45 ways.

1. Ask people the real questions. Ask about their passions, fears, hopes and dreams.

2. Introduce yourself. Be brave and vulnerable.

3. Listen to people. I mean really listen to them.

4. Help anyone you can, from strangers to your closest friends. Don't turn away.

5. Get excited. Get excited about everything from your favorite TV show coming on to Lucky Charms being on sale at the grocery store. Rejoice in all of life's little wins, and appreciate them for the ways they make life sweeter.

6. Visit old friends. Don't let your friendships fade. Remember the reasons you are so thankful to have them in your life, and fight for them, like a lover would.

7. Travel to new places. Indulge yourself in the cultures. Experience everything the world has to offer, and don't be fearful or close-minded to the opportunities set before you.

8. Put away your screens when you're with people. If you want to spend time with someone, you should actually be there, physically and mentally.

9. Plan personal time with your friends and family.

10. Hug. Reach out your arms and wrap the people you love in them. Feel them. Embrace the connection that you have, and express that you'll always be there to remind them of it.

11. Indulge your emotions in what you enjoy most. Scream like a crazy person at the basketball game, dance freely at the concert, and run like you never have to stop. Let go. Let yourself be charmed and delighted by your hobbies.

12. Show people your true colors.

13. Don't try to hide who you are from anyone, and let others love you for the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, and the weak and the strong parts of who you are.

14. Express your opinions.

15. Involve your emotions in the priorities and matters of this world. You can't fall in love with this life if you don't care about the people in it.

16. Accept the opinions of others. Ask to hear about those opinions. Respect them. Learn from each other.

17. Wear your heart on your sleeve regardless of how terrifying it can feel to open up.

18. Appreciate the innocence of the world. Play with children and animals as readily as you can.

19. Learn from the beautiful display they have of unprecedented happiness. Fall in love with that, because it's incredible.

20. Look into the eyes of the people you see and speak with. Show them that you are really there.

21. Take chances. Be spontaneous. Embrace the unexpected nature of love.

22. Smile. Even if some don't smile back, others will, and you may find that the smiles shooting back at you steal your heart away.

23. Love your body. Treat it kindly and take care of it. Appreciate it for the unique vessel it is for your soul. Part of continually falling in love is being able to love yourself in your own skin.

24. Sit next to someone instead of alone. Try not to isolate yourself.

25. Be respectful, and expect it from others. Respect is a building block of mutual love.

26. Say "I love you." Say "Thank you." Say "I'm proud of you."

27. Never trade opportunities for real conversation with the people who you love.

28. Exercise integrity with others. The truth is always worth falling for.

29. Say yes.

30. Give people the benefit of the doubt, even if others have let you down.Too often we avoid love because of wrongs committed by people in our pasts. Don't let heartbreak control your ability to see the best in human beings.

31. Play games. Play outside. Have fun and let it consume you.

32. Share meals with friends and family, and also with people capable of becoming your friends and family.

33. Laugh uncontrollably whenever you want to. Laugh as much as possible. It heals the soul and unites you with others in remarkable ways.

34. Sing like a rock star. Let music move you.

35. Surround yourself with people who encourage you and bring out the best in you. The light you will inspire in each other is irreplaceable.

36. Try new foods. Try new wines. Try new flavors of ice cream. Food is a great lover.

37. Go on adventures. Anything from hiking a mountain to raiding the thrift store in the next town over can create the most amazing of discoveries.

38. Feel for others. Emphasize and have compassion. Let yourself be moved by them.

39. Dance uncontrollably. Whether you look like a superstar, or a flailing idiot like myself, let music take control of your body.

40. While you're at it, grab a partner. We should all dance together.

41. Learn everything you can. Absorb information like a sponge. Fall in love with knowledge. Fall in love with stories. Fall in love with history. Fall in love with everything your brain is just waiting to know.

42. Follow your dreams. Go for the job you know will awaken the best parts of who you are.

43. Your passion is a lifelong romance you will always need to strive for. It can be the kind of lover that brings you joy and fulfillment with every passing day.

44. Accept yourself. Be proud. Be confident. Be strong.

45. You can fall in love with yourself every day too. You can look in the mirror and know that in your heart you are radiating love onto this world. You can carry with you the ability to achieve extraordinary greatness. You just have to be open to it, because the choice is yours.

Viva La Vida Everyone :)

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lexi-herrick/45-ways-to-fall-in-love-every-day_b_6650028.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

The Perk of Being Afraid

When I was a kid am afraid of meeting new people. First day at school I will be freaking out so much. I still remember when my aunt dragged me on my 1st day in my kindergarten. I was sooo freaking out with my new teacher. I cried a lot and was begging to go home. And I ran away from school until my aunt caught me and calmed me, she told it's ok and do not be afraid.

Such a drama, heehhehe.

So I think everyone doing the same thing. They are afraid of something.
You look for a job so you can get money for it because you afraid of having no money.
But you work so hard to get more money because you afraid you wont get what you dream for.
Or you work so hard until late of night, so when you back home you wont feel alone because you have to sleep for work on the next day.

In my case that I just realized:
I run a lot because I am afraid getting stressed of my worries and questions.
I laugh and smile a lot because I am afraid that people will know my worries and problems.
I worship to Allah because I am afraid what Al-Quran said about judgement day. (selain itu kewajiban sih yahh :p)
hemm what else..
Ah..
I wake up in the morning and rushing to office because am afraid if I often come late my boss wont like me and s/he will asked the HR to fired me. Mean while I need the money.
(hehehe)
I hang out with my friends because I was afraid feeling alone.

Nothing wrong being afraid, I thought. Also nothing wrong to beat your fear.
The way you face it will shown your ability in surviving this life.

Anyway Happy 2015 Peeps!

PS:
I just had my 30K epic trail run yesterday. So actually my legs are still sore now then suddenly my head feel dizzy. Signal for some sugar.
Gnight!
xxx
ello

Find The Good in Goodbye

It might be the boldest decision that I ever made.

Decision that I hope will be the best for us.

I might be unable to said it.

But I feel relieved when finally told it to you.

I am really sorry if this decision make you sad or mad. But I can not stop thinking about this.

This decision also for your good. To aim all your dreams and goals.

Thank you very much for everything that you did in this relationship.

I will never forget the way you wait me in the middle of the night working over time. The way you are soo damn patient with me, with all my ego and selfishness. And everything you did and taught me.

I wont cry anymore.

Let us move on together. And let we start everything with our own feet.

Whatever will be. Will be.

Once again thank you S for the last beautiful 46 months togetherness.

So sorry if it has to end. I do really sorry.

End of Year

If back to couple of years ago writing "End of Year" means ... Audit period will be started ASAP!

Means stock taking to warehouse (which is my favorite audit procedure), preparing working paper, asking the latest trial balance, never ending over time and else. (Maannn... how I missed my time as an auditor!)

So... December is coming. Means new year or 2015 are few more days. Myself actually not so excited about end of year. Especially this year. Yep. Too many things that I didnt accomplish. But actually a loot of thing happened in my life in this 2014. Buuuutt I dont know.. just lack of a satisfaction for me. 

Nothing much different compare to last year. Still have no hope about what I want.

 I dont know.

Maybe I just feel a little bit tired lately with hockey practice and stuffs. Wake up at 4am and practice again at night in the whole week. And also I feel like everyone was close to me is stepping away from me. 

Yeah. Am over thinking again. And again.

I need a break. Or an escape.

Did someone say beach? or mountain also sounds awesome....

xxx

Me miss my normal life. Woke up late and still have time to night run or long run in weekend.

And oh.. I missed the trail run with my friends in Mt. Pancar, Sentul. Pffftttttt.

Magic Number 5

It was a normal day in my office. I had my lunch and chit chat with my office mates.
I was joking around, asking silly questions. Well since I was super lazy to work at the moment. :p

Friend of mine suddenly was telling her interview questions about when the interviewee asked her about where will she in the next 5 years.

She said she wanted to be a manager, owned house, and else.

And then she asked me?
"So Ello what do you want in next 5 years?" she said.
And I said... "No Mam.. I have no idea"
She laughed. "You are really live to fullest person. You enjoy your present life".

I don't know whether should be flattered or sad. Because I have no plan in my future. I do have plan for a year ahead. But for 5 years in the future ?
I have no idea what to do!

Gosh! Kinda afraid with my future, Even my yearly planned not always on track.

Sooo 5 years from now huh?
Umm..
I will be 31 years old. Geezzz 31? Really?
So on 31 I want to...
At least I already get married and have my 1st child.
Live in my own home with my simple happy family.
For my career.. Umm I dont know what I want recently.

See.. how suck I am with this... No idea..