Beginning of this year I was planning to back to Chamonix again, so I joined the ballot but the result I didn’t accepted this year. But since I was offered to run at Lavaredo this year I asked the Shokz team whether I could switch my slot to UTMB. And surprisingly they can registered me since Shokz is also one of main sponsor at UTMB.
UTMB itself is the dream for all trail runners. The trail running Mecca. My first UTMB moment was in 2023. I got my CCC but I blew-off. I failed at 60km at Plan d’Leau. I was super sad and disappointed with myself. Coming back from Chamonix I brought a lot of question about myself. I questioned myself, am I able to run 100K in CCC? Was my training was not sufficient? And how to stop the gut upset during my ultra?
It was the greatest setback I ever had in my life after being rejected as field hockey player for Jakarta in 2016. I was thought, “well Ello, you are friend with disappointment, sure thing you can handle this..” Yeah right, I can handled that much better than before. I didn't hate the sport and running away but I step back and take a look for one more time why I failed.
I talked with many people that I can trust but I still not felt satisfied. I still curious, so I took UESCA course for Ultra Running and wishing I could get the answer. But I still not felt enough and still need something to answered and I also learned from Udemy course about Gut Health to complete and answer my curiosity.
I put all my lesson that I got and applied to myself first. So in 2024 I really-really back from the scratch. I build my endurance by back to road marathon. I had few trail run races. And start from the basic by building the mileage and strength. At the end of 2024 I decided to run ultra trail again at SLU (Siksoroga Lawu Ultra). Everything already prepared and mileage already build up for the trail. But due to bad weather and somehow my muscles felt so weak on the race day, I decided to DNFed.
And in 2025 my approach for CCC preparation build different. Since I got the confirmation to run CCC was on early March, I decided to back to my strength first since it was Ramadhan month and I had difficulties to build mileage during Ramadhan. Also I registered for Mini Triathlon on April and Hyrox on May.
The triathlon preparation felt so fun and good for my aerobic capacity because I wasn’t only trained the legs but the whole body. Since I can’t find hilly terrain actually cycling helped me a lot for legs warmed up in trail.
But before the Hyrox I also joined a tough trail race, Merbabu Sky Race. It’s 40K run with total elevation gain 5,112 MASL. A literally sky race. But since I knew my body wasn’t ready for that tough and brutal race I decided to only run 30K (but actually the total run I did was 38K as well, lol). During the race I felt sooo tired as hell and my body was screaming because I wasn’t ready for this race. But it gave me a real lesson and mental resilience.
Later on, at the end of May I did the Hyrox double. I thought it kinda a lifting competition but turned out the hybrid workout was actually improve my endurance capacity and elevate my strength to the next level.
Aside that another different approach that I did was swimming lesson every Tuesday night. I still not sure how swimming will relate with my preparation for CCC this year. But for cross training it saved me with injury. I also didn’t took many trail races this year to prepare the gear, nutritions and many thing. But I felt lucky I decided to run UI Trail race in 42K distance with some "trouble".
During UI Trail race, I made mistake by not prepared early for my calories intake before the race. It costed me a hungry start and weak legs. My body felt low in energy because I had not enough glycogen for the race. First 10K was a disaster. I climbed very slow and weak. But lucky I ran in Sentul I can bought some sugary drink at small warung and es cingcau as my breakfast. Also got Fanta for boost the sugar. Glycogen rising, my legs finally worked. I could run and climbed again. From 10th position I could finished at 4th.
To be honest I really not felt confident with my preparation, so many “what if” in my mind. And I try to let go and if something happened to me I tried to be smart or at least doing my super best!
Sometime it’s frustrating when you are so in doubt with yourself and have no one you can tell about.
And standing in Chamonix this year, the mountains felt different. I had been here before once, when I believed I could conquer CCC but ended up stopping at 60 km. That DNF left a scar on me, one that I carried through training, through every long run, every stair session, every swim, and every strength workout.
But this time, the weight was even heavier. A week before the race, my grandmother passed away. The grief was raw and fresh. On race morning, while the music played and the countdown began, I found myself crying at the start line. My body was shaking, not from the cold, but from the storm of emotions inside me. I whispered to myself: “Run this for her. Run this for you.”
The first climb out of Courmayeur was brutal, but I found my rhythm. By the time I reached Refuge Bertone, I was still holding back tears, but I started to feel steadier. At Refuge Bonatti, I remembered all those gut health lessons I studied last year, the UESCA course, the experiments with nutrition. I forced myself to fuel even when I didn’t feel like it. My stomach held. That small victory gave me courage.
At Arnouvaz, I paused and looked up the Grand Col Ferret was waiting. The climb was long, the air thin, but I felt my grandmother with me. At the top, crossing into Switzerland, I let the wind dry my tears and fatigue.
But at La Fouly came with fatigue, but also relief another checkpoint behind me. By Champex-Lac, the night crept in. My legs were heavy, but I thought about all those strength sessions, all the hours I spent building a foundation. That training carried me when my spirit wavered.
Trient tested me. The climb felt endless, and doubt whispered again, just like last year. But unlike last year, I didn’t stop. I remembered the promise I made to keep moving forward.
By Vallorcine, I knew the finish was close, but also knew how unforgiving the last stretch could be. My body ached, but my heart was lighter now. The grief, the failure, the doubts they had all transformed into fuel.
Reaching La Flegere, the last climbed was so tough. The ski slopes broken me into pieces. But the downhill to Chamonix was giving me a third or fourth wings. My love in downhill was back again and my legs surprised myself after being shattered but the cold wind make it my legs strong again. Everyone was cheering and shouting “allez allez.. you doing great” made me can stop smiling.
And finally, entering Chamonix… the noise, the cheers, the lights. This time, I wasn’t broken. I was whole. I crossed the finish line with tears again, but these were tears of release, of gratitude, of redemption.
This finish wasn’t just about CCC. It was about carrying loss, facing fear, learning patience, and proving to myself that one failure doesn’t define me.
This time, I made it. For me. For my grandmother. For every version of me who once doubted.
This girl is so back!
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