New Year New Me (Sh*T)

 Wohooo Happy 2026!! 

Congratulations because we made it to this year at least! Let’s embrace the new same old sh*t and new drama. LOL….

But it’s not official to a new year before you doing a reflection about what I did in last year (2025). It was an amazing year if I could say. I was clueless at the beginning of the year for what to do in my life but with the same spirit which is LETS LEAVE THIS FRIGGING COUNTRY!

But turned out it wasn’t easy :(

Last year I was quitting to open Linkedin for few months after so many let down. I was applied to many jobs opportunities, looking for a better life but the only thing that I could get is always a rejection. So yeah that was sting a lot. I was thought maybe am too old for looking a job. But somehow I still believe I could get a job in other country someday to get a better life!

My CCC Journey: From Heartbreak to Redemption

Beginning of this year I was planning to back to Chamonix again,  so I joined the ballot but the result I didn’t accepted this year. But since I was offered to run at Lavaredo this year I asked the Shokz team whether I could switch my slot to UTMB. And surprisingly they can registered me since Shokz is also one of main sponsor at UTMB.

UTMB itself is the dream for all trail runners. The trail running Mecca. My first UTMB moment was in 2023. I got my CCC but I blew-off. I failed at 60km at Plan d’Leau. I was super sad and disappointed with myself. Coming back from Chamonix I brought a lot of question about myself. I questioned myself, am I able to run 100K in CCC? Was my training was not sufficient? And how to stop the gut upset during my ultra?

It was the greatest setback I ever had in my life after being rejected as field hockey player for Jakarta in 2016. I was thought, “well Ello, you are friend with disappointment, sure thing you can handle this..” Yeah right, I can handled that much better than before. I didn't hate the sport and running away but I step back and take a look for one more time why I failed.

I talked with many people that I can trust but I still not felt satisfied. I still curious, so I took UESCA course for Ultra Running and wishing I could get the answer. But I still not felt enough and still need something to answered and I also learned from Udemy course about Gut Health to complete and answer my curiosity.

Enjoy Those Little Things

I still remember the year when I felt scared and devastated when getting 30 years old. I kept crying and pitying myself. I didn’t know with who I can tell my feeling and situation at that time because I have no one that I can trust. I hate my life… And asked God why not me who got called first instead of my father. I felt so weak and wobbly at that time. I didnt plan this, this is not what I want in my life. 

What I was picturing in my 25 years old me was when I am in my 30, I will have my own family, a success career life, living with my partner and etc. But the reality was my heart still hurt and devastated, the job that I thought was beautiful but becomes the toxic, my mother was kept asking me to get married as if it will end the problem. When people said a mother always know what’s right for her daughter.. I believe it isn’t entirely true. We just clueless people in this world.

People keep looking what next big things in life as the motivation for his act. But what if we start with appreciate all those little things. Like own a job that close to your home so no commuting with hours. Enjoying the weekend to go to the mountain and hill. Waking up with the sounds of bird chirping. Feeling no competition about “what brand that I should show today?”, Going for a run without driving for hour, Left office when the work done (not getting stared because you left a lil early). 

My lesson after this years after sooo many downs and downs. Enjoy those little things that make the life so worthy. Show it when you are happy because there is no bank of happiness… When life doesnt as your plan.. It’s MAKTUB, written. Let God lead the way… maybe it means the time isn’t right but having hope it’s the fuel to make your life feel worthy again.

Happy birthday El.

x.o.x.o

Tips Membuat Visa Schengen ke Prancis

Well as a millennial I maybe not really good with making video content LOL.. but I kinda familiar with blog... So let me make it with blog writting! And dunno is there someone still reading a blog nowdays?? hehehe

Jadi persiapan buat bikin Visa tahun ini untuk planning ke Chamonix dimulai dari pembuatan paspor. Karena setelah dicek ternyata paspor expired di bulan Desember 2023 sedangkan baru berangkat ke Prancis itu bulan Agustus so first thing first before you went abroad...

1. Make sure tanggal expired passpor 6 bulan sebelum tanggal keberangkatan.

Aku pernah waktu itu ke Singapore dengan tanggal paspor yang mepet banget sama tanggal expired. Sebelum keluar imigrasi ditahan dulu di kantornya dan ditanya-tanya dan make sure kalo keluar Sg sebelum tanggal expired. Dan untungnya boleh. 
Alsooo sejak Oktober tahun lalu, durasi paspor kita itu udah 10 tahun. Jadi lumayan banget tapiii antrian paspor dari awal tahun kemarin di Jakarta itu edan pisan. Aku aja akhirnya bikin di Makassar karena kebetulan ada kerjaan disana. Dan untungnya pas paspor jadi bisa minta tolong ke temen yang disana untuk ambilon. Fyuh.

2. Buat registration number di website France Visa di sini

Kalau gak salah sebelum covid itu kita isi manual dan download PDF file buat isi data-datanya. Sekarang sudah online dan by system. Jadi make sure semua yang kamu isi di form registrasi udah bener.
Serta kamu juga perlu siapin data-data No Paspor, Expire date paspor, tanggal visa terakhir waktu masuk Schengen country (if any), tanggal keberangkatan dan alamat kamu akan stay disana. 

3. Buat Akun dan Janji Temu di TLS Contact di sini

Setelah dapet nomer registrasi kamu udah bisa lengkapin data-data di TLS Contact, agency yg bisa bantu kamu untuk pembuatan visa Schengen via Prancis. Dan setelah itu kamu bisa tentuin kapan dan jam yang available untuk dateng ke kantor TLS yang ada di Mega Kuningan.
Sekarang bikin janji untuk pembuatan visa itu bisa 6 bulan sebelum tanggal keberangkatan and let me tell you that tanggal appointment ke TLS itu udah ruameee banget. Aku apply bulan Maret baru dapet jadwal di bulan Mei!! Yah satu Indonesia kan kedubesnya cuman satu dan banyak banget orang Indo yang pengen liburan ke Prancis... Jadi jangan mepet-mepet karena kalo seandainya gagal kita bisa coba appeal atau coba cari jalan lain dan at least waktunya cukup.

4. Pilih jalur premium kalau kamu ragu dengan data-data kamu

Sebetulnya pake jalur premium bukan berarti guarantee bakal lolos sih visanya... tapi cuman setidaknya kamu bisa dapet layanan yang extra dan bisa dibantuin kalau ada kekurangan data. Petugas TLS yang kemarin aku temuin bilang sebetulnya syarat utama pengajuan visa itu cuman 3:
1. Flight ticket (return)
2. Alamat hotel atau tempat kita nanti tinggal
3. Paspor yang masih berlaku

Tapi terkadang orang kedutaan pasti mau background checking dan makesure orang yang dateng ke negaranya itu ga overstay atau malah ga bisa pulang. Jadi data-data mesti lengkap bangetnget... Kayak:
1. Surat keterangan bekerja dari kantor (in English)
2. Active bank statement at least 3 months, yang jadi rekening gaji kamu
3. Asuransi yang cover selama kamu stay disana dengan minimal amount dan diakui sama embassy.
4. Photo yang sesuai ketentuan kedutaan (ini bisa foto langsung di TLS).
5. KTP dan Kartu Keluarga

Banyak yang bilang mesti ada minimal uang berapa puluh juta direkening. Tapi dua kali aku apply Schengen Visa rekening saya mostly angkanya BEP hahahah. Karena aku emang pisahin uang tabungan dan uang yang emang buat kebutuhan sehari-hari. Kayaknya sih yg penting selama kamu punya penghasilan tetap akan aman.

But the rest is Diplomat Prerogative decision kalau kamu ditolak atau gagal. 

5. Proses hasil visa biasanya 5 hari kerja tapi bisa aja lebih cepat atau lebih lama

Hmmm kira-kira secara umum kayaknya itu aja dan untungnya bikin visa Schengen Prancis gak seribet bikin via Jerman. Karena dari temen-temen yang kesana semua dokumen penting mesti ditranslate ke bahas Jerman (eheheh rempong).

Atau ada yang mau tambahin buat tips nya??

A Week with Mama Cham

This year was the most epic year for me. Because finally I back to France again and now this time at Chamonix. Chamonix is the Alps city where the Mont Blanc located. A city for outdoor lover or to be precise, home for mountaineering. 

It was in summer week and was full in awe when observing this city. When my bus stopped at Chamonix bus stop I whisper "dear Allah I already fell in love with this city... I felt my soul and home is in this place." Yes I directly in love with Cham. See soo many outdoor lovers there made me excited. During summer people come to Chamonix for hiking, climbing the Mont Blanc or paragliding and of course running.

UTMB week in Chamonix totally amazing. All trail running lovers from all around the world are coming to the city! I even can feel it from my flight.. at my stop at Dubai before heading to Geneva, I can see many trail runners and getting ready for UTMB.. Ultra Trail Mont Blanc. 

Now let me tell you what's UTMB. It's not the oldest trail race in this world. They just celebrate 20 years UTMB this year. This race always happened on last week of August so that's why actually the weather will be like summer but also a bit rain. And this year the anomaly of weather in Chamonix was started on the beginning of the week. All PTL and TDS were start with rain and snowy condition. Snow during summer... It was soo interesting. But when Friday the sun already bright again and giving the best weather till Sunday.

Gotta take that path

So couple weeks ago I ever read a thread on twitter about autism. 
That actually autism can be detected since the pregnancy.
And the doctor who made the thread said one of the way to avoid autism baby that you should pregnant before 35 years old.

I was frozen when read that.
So that's it... end of my era. I wont be married and having any baby either. None will ever want me fo~reva.

What did I do wrong at the past until god really really hate me. Is saying sorry aint enough?
How could you change when none tell you that you did mistake?

Why I have to be a human? 
Why can I be a cat? They are cute and everyone love them.

Well gotta get use with another failure and disappointment in life. Maybe this is my path.

Forever a failure ehehe.

brb... about to cry

Last Day Being 34

And Yep!! Here we go again with a contemplation night of the year!
Same rants
Same wishes
Same issues
Same hopes

I dont know what to expect anymore. Am getting tired of let in flow. 

I wanna a different situation but currently am in trap of something.

Shud I wait or shud I make a move.

So tmrw... I will be 35 years old! So many yaaa :')
Usually I will go to mountain or went somewhere. But this year am in tight budget and have to save some money. I know I already free from car loan but I just enroll a big race which is my dream race.. UTMB CCC. aha. here you ago.

I dont know what I want in upcoming new age... the only thing that I know I need and want more money hehehe. because basically my hope still the same from previous year.

Oh also today I just done my responsibilities as the adult. Yaitu membuat SIM mobil dan motor. LOL.

Rasanya tuh kayak siap aja kalau tiba-tiba mobil atau motor diberhentiin polisi buat di razia... Am ready to show off you guys! :p

Will run Womens 10K tomorrow hopefully will be a quick morning run sesh. 
How about having a Kerastase hair treatment tomorrow? I saw it in Tiktok last night and it look sooo nice.

I feel I lose some motivation to type more in this blog. Because I just hate the way I write lately.. kayak isinaya cuman keluhan dan keluhan saja. Atuhlah elll. But sometime usually after I write I feel much much better.

I dont know what my life gonna be this year or at 35 year old me... but here are some plans (race plan to be exact :p) :
1. Run 50K at CTC Yogya (done)
2. Tiff's wedding on June at Bali! She said it will be wedding of century!!
3. Run 75K at Dieng Ultra by Detrac on June a week after Tiff's wedding
4. Chamonix baby!! on August
5. Run CCC UTMB (am freaking nervous) on September
6...... I dont know what else

Pretty sure after return from Mont Blanc my life will be pretty dry and empty and more boring hahhahahha.

Any idea what to do next? Move to  France and find rich husband there? 
Aha... dont you wish it will be easy huh? jangan mimpi kau ferguso... lol

NIGHHHTTTT

xoxo

In Between of Running Program and Corporate Slave Life

It’s actually been almost 10 years in running..since 2013 and I could tell that to stay commit and balance between work and running training it’s quite tricky. It’s not always easy and oftenly you will miss some day to run because of work, biztrip or meeting. Or might be other life experience…

But the key is as long as you plan your running a week ahead 50% of the problem are done.. I have some addiction with planning. Saya suka banget bikin planning terutama kalau weekend nanti mau kabur kemana. ahahahaha. Tapi ketika lagi fokus sama latihan road race.. kabur naik gunungnya harus ngalah dulu sama jadwal long run

Banyak yang bilang “Gw ga bisa olahraga soalnya waktu gw udah abis sama kerjaan dan commuting Llo…” tapi saya selalu jawab… “Satu hari ada 24 jam.. dan olahraga itu cuman butuh minimal 30 menit kok…”

90% mereka akan diem dan mulai mikir. Well mungkin itu buat yang baru mulai olahraga, wakti 30-45 menit itu cukup. Tapi gimana kalau udah mulai serius dan terprogram latihannya. Sisanya keukeuh ga bisa. Hehe.

Ketika saya dapet program latihan seminggu… pasti saya akan diskusi dulu sama temen saya yang buat. Misalkan hari Jumat saya ada biztrip jadi jadwal hari Jumat mostly easy/rest. Dan dihari Sabtu akan dibuat medium run. Jadwal speed pun biasanya di hari Selasa/Kamis. 

Ok bismillah coba saya buat ya tips nya hehehhe…

Cara Membagi Waktu Latihan Lari Bagi Budak Korporat :p

1. Buat planning selama seminggu di google calendar. Am a huge fans of Google tools since 5 years ago! Catet semua jadwal kerjaan kamu, entah itu meeting, deadline, flight time, cuti atau apapun itu. Dari situ kamu udah bisa kebayang kapan bisa masukin waktu lari kamu. Tapi misalkan dadakan tiba-tiba ga bisa lari jangan paksain jadwal lari hari selasa ke hari rabu dan dijadiin satu. Better under training instead of over training. yah ga better dua-duanya sih tapi kalo lihat damagenya lebih bahaya over training kan? 

Failure Sucks, But Lets Try Take A Look The Silver Lining Init (If I could)

No one love being lost.. but am not only lost but I feel a failure (again). No matter how perfect our plan was if it meant to be and it wont happened. Well this is the story about how I try to accept the failure and to calm down the inner impostor.

Heheheh not being extra but just being honest what I felt. Kinda overwhelmed with the sadness and overthink about what people will thought but I try to stay inline and focusing myself. But I always believe that whatever happened yesterday it's actually already the fate that I have to accept.

So I just DNF (Did Not Finish) on National Championship for trail running. Despite I was feel so good on first kilometer and quite confident about the run and my training. I was missed calculating the humidity and heat. It's totally the major factor in this race. I never a big fond of heat so at the first climb I am totally full of sweat. Try to consistent with the fueling every 45-50 minutes to have my gel and drink. I felt so thirsty during the climb. It was soo humid like the most humid run that I ever had.

I passed the first water station and refill the isotonic. few moments later catch some runners on the climb and get the vertical speed back. but the humidity getting higher and I try to sip more water on my flask. I also bring my coke since usually I got the sugar rush after sipped it. Those things helped me alot. But never thought that my water will run out so quick (it never happened in any race before). I saw there is a box with bottle water and empty bottles everywhere. Seemed the committee put there for addition water for runners but only a box and none on it. It become bottle plastic trash everywhere (hopefully they will clean it after all). And after I saw it suddenly I really-really need water. I scanned the empty bottle to check out if the runners left some. And sadly every bottle was empty. But what more sad was they feel OK to left the bottle inside the jungle. Oh in contrary there is a rule that we are not allow to received help from outside but OK to threw bottle / littering.  

Road Trippin’ Alone to Wonosobo

Last year in October 2021, I put another check list on my wishlist. Driving alone all by myself far enough. Actually I dont like the idea of driving alone. But due to Covid-19 Situation and during the pandemic, I get used with driving alone. Surething I love company but for safety situation and condition I choose to be going alone.

Remember on my last post I visited Lawu with Siksorogo friends from Solo. I made friend with some of them and he loves my idea to clim Sumbing Sindoro. Because I REALLLY REALLLLLYY wanna go there. So I took my day off and drive to Wonosobo but before that I had to picked up my friend, Yurin, at Salatiga.

Since none at home at that time, I had to putted my cats at petshop. So I can drive peacefully. 

I left my home around 9am after make sure everything safe and good. On 12pm I already arrived at Cipali toll (around 250km). I stopped at nearby Rest Area because I was really hungry. If you ever drive in Cipali toll you will understand how bored the road. The only things that I could do only was singing a long so I put karaoke and old school playlist on my Spotify.

And on 5pm I arrived at Salatiga, Yurin’s home. I stayed at his home for a night and drive to Wonosobo at 3am. We arrived at Garung Basecamp at 4am and start hike on 4.30am. It was still dark and cold, the basecamp gate not open yet but we keep continue to hike.

We reached first pos at 5.30 and the sun almost rise. Back at that day I was not in good shape ahahah… My was hardly ever run and do the long run.. but I still went to trail but only at Sentul for a easy 10-15k. And sometimes went to Bandung, climbing and bit have fun. The point is I was less motivated, because it was lockdown and almost no offline race (I dont really fance virtual race).

Back To 3,265 ASML (Mount Lawu)

So based on my last post I felt burnout lately and totally losing my interest with my work. I keep proscranited work and things that I usually enjoy suddenly become a boredom. Apalagi denger bunyi notif wasap... astaga udah benci banget denger suaranya. Kayak selalu dicariin dan ga bisa tenang, takut kalo bales lama bakal ditelepon. Yeah basically I got anxiety during the burn out. 

Kenapa bisa burn out? Well lately semenjak PPKM ini semua activity di push online. Jadi kegiatan dipindah either IG Live atau Zoom. For IG Live actually will less work for me, karena biasanya ga tampil, cuman mantau aja dari hp atau laptop. Tapi kalo webinar... it seem I plan everything for the show. Ya script nya, ya ngebrief pembicaranya, ya jadi host nya, ya present beberapa materi. Jadi ga bisa ditinggal gitu. Apalagi webinar itu bisa lebih dari 1 jam. Dan biasanya setelah office hours. Belum lagi kalau ada kerjaan di weekend. The problem is I can't randomly online at wherever, karena butuh sinyal yang bagus dan stabil. Belum lagi kalau jadi host. Jadi asa kudu standby di rumah. Also it become too often and makes me bored to the death. Sampai pernah ketika lagi ngehost aing teh ngeblank beberapa detik karena udah lelah.

Terus setelah 2 minggu lalu ikutan race di Jatinangor dan ketemu temen-temen for a weekend, I still not feel in the mood for work. Everything just a stagnant life rhythm. Pas cek kalender actually I already planning two leave days. Tapi masih belum jelas mau kemana jadi masih galau mau ngajuin atau enggak.

Plan A, mau naik Sumbing / Sindoro tapi ternyata temenku yang udah tinggal disana bilang kalau dia lagi ga bisa nemenin. Mikir-mikir gunung mana yang udah buka (karena belum semua gunung udah buka) akhirnya milih buat ke Solo buat naik Lawu. Meskipun udah pernah naik Lawu 2 tahun yang lalu, gunung ini langsung naik jadi peringkat 1 jadi gunung favorit di pulau Jawa. I just really love this mountain (I don't know why).

Andai Aku Jadi Nia Ramadhani

Another day another lockdown... PPKM diperpanjang lagi. Selama cicilan mobil belum beres... I dont feel significantly matter to me. It's ok... lockdown bikin jadi tabungan nambah dikit. asal ga sering2 check out barang. dan as long as ga WFO. sudah terlalu nyaman sama WFH. Irit bensin dan irit jajan... 

Well as usual I come to write whenever I feel my head about to blow. Mau nulis pake bahasa suka2 aing ajalah lagi cape mikir.

Lately kayaknya lagi dikelilingin negative vibe. Gw si manusia yang bisa ngerasain energy (believe it or not) ngerasa jadi cape. But not everything is negative sihh.... tapi karena lo ga suka energi itu you try to defeat it... ngerti gasi? ahahaha gw juga gapaham sih.

But how do I know? yaa lately gw ngerasa cape dan overwhelmed. A lot of factors sih.. dari energi lingkungan rumah dan kerjaan yang gw rasa makin sarap sampe mau muntah. Kerjaan ga sampe lembur-lembur sih. Tapi karena gw tipe orang yang ga mau ngerjain sampe lembur so I've try to accelerating dong. I don't know mungkin gw nya aja yang lambat dan lemot. Tapi mobil aja klo dibawa ngebut terus juga bensinnya cepet abis. no? Pas gw told the truth kalo gw burnout cuman dibilang "iya sama..." "sabar aja"

ummm.. how it help, tho? seriously?

(anyway ini gw ngetik sambil ceurik plus ngaca.... naha cewe2 kalau ceurik bisa cakep lantas aing siga jurik :( )

Mid Year of 2021

 Helloo..

Just to update the world in case someone read it in 2040 or more.. we in 2021, at Indonesia currently just hit 2nd wave of Covid-19. (anj emang).

When you thought at early 2021 it's getting better, et voila... here we are in Delta Variant attack. They are more bad and more contagious. They said within 5 secs if in a room with a positive Covid-19 with Delta variant they will infected you as well.

Next variant will infected you through virtual message. Just like trojan virus (only millenial understand this heheh).

So yeah... we are in lockdown. event more stricker. you can't go inside the town if you don't have any permit from your office or government. but guess what.. this is indonesia bitcheeesss... you can't apply that kinda of rule like in europe and apply it here. They need money to live. The factory need the employee to run the machine.

Another worst thing in this delta variant... many young people die. At first I thought "ahh they died just because they old or having complication from the disease..". But the young people who smokes and having comorbid also in very danger situation when facing delta variant.

Meanwhile.... in Europe they already going out without mask. Held the Euro, Tour de France, Wimbledon, some music concerts, etc. What a contrary.

A DISCO BALL

Last couple days I saw a post in Tiktok and a video said:

"a disco ball is hundred of pieces of broken glasses

put together to make a magical ball of light

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN

YOU ARE DISCO BALL"

I was freezing saw that video and repeated it again and again.

I kept thinking that I am a broken shit of woman.

Who thought that everyone will leave or ditch me.

But I make me realize that might be am a disco ball. I have that kind of shine and people will assumed that a party poppers. They only come but never stay. As if am a discotheque. 

Well let's say am a discotheque. What make a discotheque or a club loveable and people wont leave? No.. not the alcohol or substance... but the music. too much alcohol or substance will make a toxic for your body. But a good music and people dancing bring the happiness and joy.

So if am a disco ball... I need a good DJ to collabs with.

Because I always believe relationship = partnership.

33 Years Old Thought

I felt too often ranting in twitter and making stupid thread. So I was thinking, I better writing in here.

Anyway... BITCH AM OFFICIALLY 33 YEARS OLD!! Shiittttee so damn old.
Last year was no mountain but at least I got a kissed but ended up in drama. 

But this year I have mountain with my good friends and feel soooo much much happier. Mountain always know how to fix me. Oh also at that week ada acara Nyepi di Bali. And it was my very first time experienced it!. Super cool.

Meski seharian ga bisa kemana-mana cuman diem di kamar, dipping di pool (not skinny dipping of course) terus makan terus dipping lagi terus baca buku 2 baris terus ketiduran terus makan lagi terus bath tub an sambil nyobain bath bomb. terus  makan lagi terus malemnya stargazing.

Malam Nyepi di Bali itu Ah - Mah - Zing sekaliiii. I missed seeing stars at the sky but universe just shown me a beautiful night.

Mau nungguin milky way udah keburu ngantuk karena seharian bolak - balik pool macam atlet olimpic renang.

But stargazing and having my mind alone it's sooooo relaxing. It's been a year I never traveled this far and enjoy the night alone for a moment. I felt content, enough and happy. Living in life just to fulfil someone dream is sooo tiring and exhausted. Having that time and checking myself what I've been through, I feel proud of myself and thankful enough for being this strong.

People always think that am a happy go lucky person. But actually am an anxious one. Whenever you keep telling yourself that I am not a successful one in life. I keep comparing myself with others. And the social media keep telling us what is a beautiful yet fake life.

People think that am a good listener... because I know how it feel when you unheard. But I just cant tell my problem even to my good friend. Am lil picky about it. It's hard for me to trust someone.

People think that am a frank person because I said what in my mind rationally but the fact am just hiding my feeling. and being angry only make me more sad.

Life it's hard. You cant copy paste someone life into yours and get the same result. 
But hey Ello.. dont you forget when you are Indonesian and having conventional family... your option is limited. Moreover you live in same roof.

I said "I am OK if I left my parent and working far from her..." but they said "kasian ih El ibu kamu...."

Which one yang lebih kasian... your greatest potential is not growing because you cant choose freely or holding the thought that maybe you are not good enough.

Those are my loud thought but in a night the stars absorb it and hypnotized me and switched the thought.

You are not that old Ello.
You can always go get your dream no matter your age is. Never stop dreaming.
Your dream might be delayed because something good will coming for you.
Always listening what the universe tell you.
Everything in life is temporary begitu juga kesedihan dan kebahagian. But you can always choose what side you want.
What people said about you is not always about you, they just want to see you react.
When you see unfairness you have to said it out loud.
And always... It's ok to cut useless people.

x.o.x.o

Ello

Letter To 2020

Dear 2020,

You such a unique number and year. Before you started most of us planned something great and beautiful for 2020. Even we dreamt higher and bigger. 

For myself 2020 at first would be a great year and a dreamy one! Got bold with my dream and finally saw the sign came very strong. But suddenly all fell apart. As if I was played and fooled. 

Almost met a perfect guy but I was dreaming.... he's not that perfect.

Well like my life story in general... everything is almost...

But 2020... you thought me lately. yea lately... before I was hating you so much.
Lately you make me realize this year actually not that bad.

I feel I can breathe a little and not feel in a rush. Well after many arguments and some condition finally it works. Moreover when you live in old fashioned family.

This make me realize that I always have different way of think with common people in my life. That's why it's quite hard for me to find someone can sync with me.

Also lately I realized that in previous relationships I kept degrading myself just because I dont want to lose my partner at that time. Well it took times to realize it. It was felt right at that time but after that I realized it was such a fool and degrading myself. Well penyesalan selalu datang belakangan bukan?.

At least this year I reduce all the toxicity circle, the fake friends, cutting off people and threw up all negativity.

Smaller my circle but open with the new positivity and met new friends felt so great and fresh to see another point of view.

Also start thinking it's ok to be alone instead of keep bumping with the wrong person all the time.

Alone is a part of game for stupid thing called love.

Pengalaman Dioperasi Pertama Kali (Swollen Lymph Node Biopsy)

Setelah 32 tahun hidup akhirnya ngerasain yang namanya nginep di rumah sakit dan masuk ruang operasi. Nginep di rumah sakit pun sendiri karena dan selalu ditanya "gada yang jagain mba?" hehehe. Dan ketika operasi kalau ga dipaksa sama susternya ga akan minta si Ibu atau Adek buat dateng nungguin operasi.

Asal mulanya ketika udah sebel banget sama ngerasa sakit setiap kali jalan dan benjolan yang ada di paha atas (selangkangan) ga ilang-ilang. Kalau diinget-inget kapan mulai berasa sakit itu sekitar gak lama abis lebaran. Tiba-tiba ada benjolan terus gak lama kemudian setiap kalau dari duduk ke posisi berdiri itu ngerasa sakit banget.

Dan sempet demam tinggi setiap malam selama 3 hari... dikira DB karena panas tinggi dan hasil tes darah trombosit turun dan sel darah putih naik. Tapi emang benjolan di paha emang udah ada dan ga ngira kalau benjol dan demam itu berhubungan. Karena sempat ngira abis kepentok sesuatu sampe benjol jadi cuman dikompres pake icepack.

Self Isolation Activity

I can be really good when doing nothing for couple of days. But when it tooooo much I can be so frustrated as well. Hehehhe. Most of us doing the self isolation also social distancing. We dont do hang out with our friends. Not running or cycling in group. Even going out for groceries can be feel paranoid as well.

I heard many company did the lay off to the employees and creating many unemployment. That's soo horrible. Since ramadhan will coming soon and the need to fulfill your basic necessity can be frustrating. Some cities doing the lockdown to avoid people enter their city, in the sake of to stop the pandemic. While the people who jobless because of this pandemic try to return to their home because living in the city will burden them financially. This is world issue... almost every country in the world has this issue. 

My office not apply WFH to all their employee (yet) but we work shiftly. 2/3 days work and 2/3 days WFH. I worked in the part of event activity.. which most of schedule for events were canceled. This March I supposedly have busy weekend. But since all the activity stop and canceled until this pandemic over, I have to find out what kind activity that we can do during this situation. Yea the business has to be still on... kalau tida bagaimana aku bisa kerja dan bergaji? :'(.

To The People Who Moved Me in 2019

Ga tau kenapa 2019 itu rasanya B aja tapi somehow taught me A LOT....

I wasnt expecting anything. At first I tho life yah bakal gitu-gitu aja. Ga ngejar apa-apa lagi selain nerima yang udah ada. Udah sering banget ketemu orang-orang baru tapi yah most of them not really meant something in my life.

I will tell you about some people who contribute many things lately in my early 30... Iya setua itu aing teh hahahaha. Maret selalu jadi bulan yang bikin nambah umur. Maret yang udah ga seseru dulu lagi. Maapin aku yaaaa.

Well let's talk about this man.

Sebenernya bukan orang baru dalam hidup saya. Tapi kenalpun karena urusan kerjaan dan pernah ketemu di pertengahan 2019. Dan waktu awal 2019 waktu saya ke Prancis dan dateng ke acara kantor. Saya dikenalin kebeberapa orang yang menurut saya adalah orang legend!. The craziest people in the industry. Saya dikenalin sama beliau ke orang-orang yang menurut saya berperan penting di brand yang saya kagumin. Saya yang suka kagum sama orang-orang yang pinter dan punya ide seru bikin saya nerpes selama seminggu. Gada abisnya dibikin kagum.

Selama saya di Prancis dia selalu ngecek saya, bahkan saat training udah selesai. Dia selalu mastiin saya kalau aman dan having fun while me in europe!. He feels like a father to me. Setiap malem ngecekin dan video call. Bahkan saat saya balik pun dia masih video call saya dan nanya gimana suhu disana dibanding di Prancis. Waktu saya disana suhunya sekitar 3 derajat and snowing. Balik ke Indo suhunya 30 derajat hahahahha. He also introduced me to his daughters and wife! 

What 2019 Taught Me So Far

Percaya atau enggak ada 2 keajaiban di saat saya nulis postingan ini. Karena hari ini hari Sabtu... Ajaib banget kalau:

1. Akhirnya weekend saya ga kerjaaa! (udah 2 minggu kaya giniii.. masih bisa nafas sebelum weekend 2020 yang udah mulai keliatan jadwalnya T_T )

2. Bangun tidur langsung keidean buat nulis di blog

3. AING GA LARI/NGETRAIL

Eh itu artinya ada 3 keajaiban ya! hahahaha. Ok, 3 is my fave number anyway.

Ok sebelum saya gak fokus, ngelantur atau kedistract mari kita lanjutkan sambungan dari postingan sebelumnya. Itu looh soal yang apa 2019 sudah perbuat pada diriku ini (buat yang males ngeklik hyperlink nya).

Lets make it quick karena ada janji buat servis mobil... sebelum diteriakin sama ibu suri buat buruan pergi.

August

ummmmm.... aing teh ngapain ya di bulan ini? Agustus kayaknya saya mulai ngejauh dari temen saya setelah saya melakukan hal yang paling (yang gakan saya lakuin lagi SEUMUR HIDUP. And NO I wont tell ya!) I think that's it. Pelajaran yang saya ambil dibulan itu. Jan aneh-aneh deh El ! hahahaha