I still remember the year when I felt scared and devastated when getting 30 years old. I kept crying and pitying myself. I didn’t know with who I can tell my feeling and situation at that time because I have no one that I can trust. I hate my life… And asked God why not me who got called first instead of my father. I felt so weak and wobbly at that time. I didnt plan this, this is not what I want in my life.
What I was picturing in my 25 years old me was when I am in my 30, I will have my own family, a success career life, living with my partner and etc. But the reality was my heart still hurt and devastated, the job that I thought was beautiful but becomes the toxic, my mother was kept asking me to get married as if it will end the problem. When people said a mother always know what’s right for her daughter.. I believe it isn’t entirely true. We just clueless people in this world.
People keep looking what next big things in life as the motivation for his act. But what if we start with appreciate all those little things. Like own a job that close to your home so no commuting with hours. Enjoying the weekend to go to the mountain and hill. Waking up with the sounds of bird chirping. Feeling no competition about “what brand that I should show today?”, Going for a run without driving for hour, Left office when the work done (not getting stared because you left a lil early).
My lesson after this years after sooo many downs and downs. Enjoy those little things that make the life so worthy. Show it when you are happy because there is no bank of happiness… When life doesnt as your plan.. It’s MAKTUB, written. Let God lead the way… maybe it means the time isn’t right but having hope it’s the fuel to make your life feel worthy again.
Happy birthday El.
x.o.x.o
