I felt too often ranting in twitter and making stupid thread. So I was thinking, I better writing in here.
Anyway... BITCH AM OFFICIALLY 33 YEARS OLD!! Shiittttee so damn old.
Last year was no mountain but at least I got a kissed but ended up in drama.
But this year I have mountain with my good friends and feel soooo much much happier. Mountain always know how to fix me. Oh also at that week ada acara Nyepi di Bali. And it was my very first time experienced it!. Super cool.
Meski seharian ga bisa kemana-mana cuman diem di kamar, dipping di pool (not skinny dipping of course) terus makan terus dipping lagi terus baca buku 2 baris terus ketiduran terus makan lagi terus bath tub an sambil nyobain bath bomb. terus makan lagi terus malemnya stargazing.
Malam Nyepi di Bali itu Ah - Mah - Zing sekaliiii. I missed seeing stars at the sky but universe just shown me a beautiful night.
Mau nungguin milky way udah keburu ngantuk karena seharian bolak - balik pool macam atlet olimpic renang.
But stargazing and having my mind alone it's sooooo relaxing. It's been a year I never traveled this far and enjoy the night alone for a moment. I felt content, enough and happy. Living in life just to fulfil someone dream is sooo tiring and exhausted. Having that time and checking myself what I've been through, I feel proud of myself and thankful enough for being this strong.
People always think that am a happy go lucky person. But actually am an anxious one. Whenever you keep telling yourself that I am not a successful one in life. I keep comparing myself with others. And the social media keep telling us what is a beautiful yet fake life.
People think that am a good listener... because I know how it feel when you unheard. But I just cant tell my problem even to my good friend. Am lil picky about it. It's hard for me to trust someone.
People think that am a frank person because I said what in my mind rationally but the fact am just hiding my feeling. and being angry only make me more sad.
Life it's hard. You cant copy paste someone life into yours and get the same result.
But hey Ello.. dont you forget when you are Indonesian and having conventional family... your option is limited. Moreover you live in same roof.
I said "I am OK if I left my parent and working far from her..." but they said "kasian ih El ibu kamu...."
Which one yang lebih kasian... your greatest potential is not growing because you cant choose freely or holding the thought that maybe you are not good enough.
Those are my loud thought but in a night the stars absorb it and hypnotized me and switched the thought.
You are not that old Ello.
You can always go get your dream no matter your age is. Never stop dreaming.
Your dream might be delayed because something good will coming for you.
Always listening what the universe tell you.
Everything in life is temporary begitu juga kesedihan dan kebahagian. But you can always choose what side you want.
What people said about you is not always about you, they just want to see you react.
When you see unfairness you have to said it out loud.
And always... It's ok to cut useless people.
x.o.x.o
Ello
