Letter To 2020

Dear 2020,

You such a unique number and year. Before you started most of us planned something great and beautiful for 2020. Even we dreamt higher and bigger. 

For myself 2020 at first would be a great year and a dreamy one! Got bold with my dream and finally saw the sign came very strong. But suddenly all fell apart. As if I was played and fooled. 

Almost met a perfect guy but I was dreaming.... he's not that perfect.

Well like my life story in general... everything is almost...

But 2020... you thought me lately. yea lately... before I was hating you so much.
Lately you make me realize this year actually not that bad.

I feel I can breathe a little and not feel in a rush. Well after many arguments and some condition finally it works. Moreover when you live in old fashioned family.

This make me realize that I always have different way of think with common people in my life. That's why it's quite hard for me to find someone can sync with me.

Also lately I realized that in previous relationships I kept degrading myself just because I dont want to lose my partner at that time. Well it took times to realize it. It was felt right at that time but after that I realized it was such a fool and degrading myself. Well penyesalan selalu datang belakangan bukan?.

At least this year I reduce all the toxicity circle, the fake friends, cutting off people and threw up all negativity.

Smaller my circle but open with the new positivity and met new friends felt so great and fresh to see another point of view.

Also start thinking it's ok to be alone instead of keep bumping with the wrong person all the time.

Alone is a part of game for stupid thing called love.

Pengalaman Dioperasi Pertama Kali (Swollen Lymph Node Biopsy)

Setelah 32 tahun hidup akhirnya ngerasain yang namanya nginep di rumah sakit dan masuk ruang operasi. Nginep di rumah sakit pun sendiri karena dan selalu ditanya "gada yang jagain mba?" hehehe. Dan ketika operasi kalau ga dipaksa sama susternya ga akan minta si Ibu atau Adek buat dateng nungguin operasi.

Asal mulanya ketika udah sebel banget sama ngerasa sakit setiap kali jalan dan benjolan yang ada di paha atas (selangkangan) ga ilang-ilang. Kalau diinget-inget kapan mulai berasa sakit itu sekitar gak lama abis lebaran. Tiba-tiba ada benjolan terus gak lama kemudian setiap kalau dari duduk ke posisi berdiri itu ngerasa sakit banget.

Dan sempet demam tinggi setiap malam selama 3 hari... dikira DB karena panas tinggi dan hasil tes darah trombosit turun dan sel darah putih naik. Tapi emang benjolan di paha emang udah ada dan ga ngira kalau benjol dan demam itu berhubungan. Karena sempat ngira abis kepentok sesuatu sampe benjol jadi cuman dikompres pake icepack.

Self Isolation Activity

I can be really good when doing nothing for couple of days. But when it tooooo much I can be so frustrated as well. Hehehhe. Most of us doing the self isolation also social distancing. We dont do hang out with our friends. Not running or cycling in group. Even going out for groceries can be feel paranoid as well.

I heard many company did the lay off to the employees and creating many unemployment. That's soo horrible. Since ramadhan will coming soon and the need to fulfill your basic necessity can be frustrating. Some cities doing the lockdown to avoid people enter their city, in the sake of to stop the pandemic. While the people who jobless because of this pandemic try to return to their home because living in the city will burden them financially. This is world issue... almost every country in the world has this issue. 

My office not apply WFH to all their employee (yet) but we work shiftly. 2/3 days work and 2/3 days WFH. I worked in the part of event activity.. which most of schedule for events were canceled. This March I supposedly have busy weekend. But since all the activity stop and canceled until this pandemic over, I have to find out what kind activity that we can do during this situation. Yea the business has to be still on... kalau tida bagaimana aku bisa kerja dan bergaji? :'(.